Meet Brittney

The Story of Her Struggle with Mental Health During a Pandemic

She’s a hard working mom who co-runs a digital marketing agency and co-parents four high energy children in a blended family. I don’t know how she manages all of this at the best of times, yet she appears to be thriving. Over the past year she’s also been doing homeschooling and has a new puppy. She’s definitely got her hands full and should be elevated to mom super status.

While Brittney makes all of this look easy, it isn’t. Like many of us, this past year and a half have brought significant challenges for Brittney. She was involved in a car accident in February 2019 that left her struggling to focus and hold her attention on things that used to come easily. Having a job that demands significant attention to detail left Brittney struggling to run her business with the perfection that she strives for. Brittney is one of the hardest workers I know. The last thing she wants is to let someone down. Or to deliver a subpar service. 

Brittney has recently started speaking out about mental health. It’s something that has ebbed and flowed through her adult life. She was struggling with depression in late 2019. Some days were so overwhelming that Brittney couldn’t get out of bed. Through lots of effort, she was just starting to get her feet under her. Then the pandemic hit.

On top of severe depression and low energy she was forced to start homeschooling her four children when schools locked down. They all had different learning requirements. One was doing e-learning, one was in their first year of junior high and the two younger kids were fully homeschooled. In schools, teachers struggle to deliver four different curriculums concurrently. This put unnecessary pressure on an already stretched mom. Having a blended family also created varying needs and double standards for kids that were being raised in different households. While Brittney has worked really hard to meet everyone’s needs. Eventually this task became unmanageable.

In Brittney’s words, “I was literally drowning. I was miserable. I couldn't stand looking at my kids. I couldn't even stand music. I was so high strung on everything and overloaded.” This type of thinking was uncharacteristic of Brittney. She’s literally one of the most compassionate people I know. She LOVES her kids so much. Hearing Brittney say that she struggled to be around her kids, was a reflection of how much she was struggling with her mental health. It was not a reflection of her character. 

Like many people, sometimes we need to hit rock bottom before we can start to crawl our way out. That’s exactly what Brittney did. She started to be less critical of herself and others. Brittney struggled with not being a perfect teacher. She felt that she was letting her kids down and not giving them enough opportunities. Like many parents- she isn’t trained as an educator. Teaching doesn’t come easily. 

Brittney had an “aha moment” when her 9-year-old set up her own meeting with her school teacher to say that she wasn't meeting the standards. The teacher’s response was that she was doing very well and doing the best that she could. Brittney started allowing her kids to get done what they get done in school vs striving for perfection. She started teaching her kids to do their best each day and that their effort is enough. Brittney started to teach her kids to love to learn, to take on challenges and be proud of their effort. Her perspective changed that school is not just about checking off the boxes, it’s about the lessons along the way. 

And Brittney followed her own advice. She got professional help for her mental health. She started seeing a therapist and taking medication. While medications for mental health bring a lot of shame and stigma for some individuals, Brittney claims,  “it has completely saved my relationships.” 

The thing is, Brittney was already doing “all the things.” She was exercising, eating well, getting enough sleep, practicing mental health strategies and more. And it wasn’t enough. Medications have changed a lot for Brittney. They lowered her baseline so she wasn’t starting the day in the red zone before even getting out of bed. She says, “it’s the biggest gift I’ve given myself.” She’s now in a better headspace to have fun with her family. They skip rocks by the river with her kids and talk about  the types of birds they see. There’s more space to have fun, be creative, and do an art project. Brittney’s now able to participate in family activities and work instead of needing to hide from the world in her bedroom.

Brittney and her partner made a day care arrangement with their neighbour. They cohorted the kids twice a week at each house so that both families could get a break a few times each week. They would pack lunches to send them over after school. During that time Brittney will work or nap, walk by herself. She now has some space that she can focus on herself. Each day is getting just a bit easier. Brittney is now able to make small decisions to be involved in activities instead of trying to be perfect. For her, this mind shift has made all the difference during the pandemic.

I asked Brittney what she does to maintain or improve her mental health. She has started to take the dog for a walk after dinner and now lets the kids help with dishes and bath on their own. While they don’t get done “perfectly” this surrender of tasks allows Brittney to stay active and do things for herself. Like many of us, Brittney works from home so needs to get out of the house to get a break. She’s making it a priority to get fresh air even if it's crappy weather. Which is saying a lot because Brittney doesn’t like the cold. She’s now accountable to their dog and her kids will harp on her to get outside. 

Brittney also bought a spin bike from all the money they saved from not eating out. Brittney is not a big cyclist but will, “motivate myself to workout by allowing myself to watch trash TV when biking.” She is eating as well as she can without being restrictive. When Brittney remembers to eat, she can function better. “A year ago I would skip lunch to get things done.” Like many women, Brittney felt like she constantly needed to be productive.

Brittney was incredibly profound in saying that, “No one is going to rescue me. I need to do this myself.” She wants others to know that you aren’t alone. “Only you can decide to get help and make changes. Talk to people. Reach out. Say you need help. That's the first step.”  She goes on to explain that “when you are struggling with mental health you can't see the forest for the trees. You know that you aren't ok and the tunnel feels too long and dark. It makes it feel so much worse.” Deciding to take medication “allowed me to get a new perspective on these small changes.” Brittney didn’t use medication as her first line option. She was worried about the negative stigma of being on medication.  “I didn't want to try the med route until I tried everything.” Except that Brittney was doing everything and it wasn’t enough. 

Brittney talked about how she was “walking the tightrope. I’d wake up at this time. Eat only this. The slightest breeze would knock me over. I realized it wasn't working.” Brittney started talking to a therapist about all the work that she was doing and not seeing the results. They came up with a plan to start medication. This small decision felt monumental. It was the tipping point that moved the scales in favor of success.

Brittney’s mental health didn’t change overnight. In fact, it’s still a daily challenge for her. But things are getting easier each day. Brittney’s biggest advice is that, “You are not alone. None of us are doing this life perfectly. It's so important that we love ourselves and our bodies for everything that it's doing to get us through this.” As the pandemic draws on, Brittney is able to, “focus less on what's not working” and is working to develop a healthy and realistic perspective of what can get done in a day. Her house may be a mess at times and the kids may not not be doing their school work perfectly. Brittney is choosing to focus on forgiveness and compassion for herself. “I am doing perfectly fine. I am coping through a challenging time.” Brittney wants to encourage others to “love yourself and find the silver lining in your situation.” She was scared that taking medication would make her look weak. She now wants to encourage others to try medications as part of their treatment journey.

As a nurse I can’t thank Brittney enough for the courage in allowing me to share her story. She was incredibly vulnerable and authentic in what she shared. Her story illustrates how much work we still have to remove the stigma for taking medications for mental health conditions. I work with clients to illustrate the fact that we don’t personally shame a person with Type 1 Diabetes for needing insulin. They are not a bad person because their pancreas doesn’t do its job. We need to utilize this same approach for mental health. There are many people, like Brittney, who are doing all the right things. And those things still aren’t enough to balance brain chemistry. These individuals need medication to support the tremendous effort they are already doing. For others, they need medication to even be able to start doing healthy habits.

As we forge through this fourth wave of the Covid-19 pandemic, be gentle with yourself. Ask for help if you need it. Talk to your doctor or therapist to determine if medication is the right option for you. And please share this article with someone who is struggling. I hope that Brittney’s story can show them that they too can find a spark of light at the end of their long dark tunnel.