Rachel is a 34 year old woman who’s a powerful advocate for healthy body image. She does her best to model it in her life and wants to normalize the struggle many have with their body image. Rachel is working on her intuitive eating certification to help others get past their struggles with nutrition.
Rachel’s biggest struggle or challenge brought on by Covid-19 was the disconnection from her family. Rachel talked about how hard it is not to drop by for dinner, or pop by for a quick visit. As someone who was very close to her family prior to Covid, they stay connected through Facetime and some socially distant visits. She’s always thinking of all of the risks and visits take a lot more planning. Her dad is turning 70 so she’s extra cautious about her interactions so that she doesn’t introduce unnecessary risk into his life.
Rachel has been extremely lucky in that she’s had no employment disruptions. She’s able to work from home and her income has been stable throughout the pandemic. She’s found that relationships bring a different dynamic than they did before. Rachel has had a steady partner for two years. They went from each having their own different hobbies and interests, now they just have each other. He played hockey and would go snowboarding; she would spend time riding her horse and training. While things are starting to open up and they are able to start getting back to their hobbies, it was a test to be home together for so much of their time.
As independent adults without kids, they both really liked doing things on their own. Losing your interests or social outlets can take its toll. It tested Rachel’s resilience. Things that didn’t normally affect her were pushing her to her limits. A flat tire seemed like the end of the world. Her edges were frayed. Those little annoyances became bigger deals. When a big issue came along, it became a huge deal.
This is such a common experience. Covid has taken away many of our coping strategies and has added additional stressors. It’s shifted our resilience pendulum. For someone like Rachel who has good coping skills, healthy lifestyle habits and a strong support network, Covid has been a test of inconvenience. For others without such high resilience, it’s been life changing and has led to catastrophic negative impacts.
Covid has taken away many of our coping strategies and has added additional stressors.
Earlier in the pandemic, Rachel had trouble sleeping and lots of anxiety. She had her first ever panic attack. Normally she would have enough in the tank to get through it. Prior to Covid, Rachel would have a baseline anxiety of around 30%. Her strong coping skills helped her manage effectively at that level. Then the restrictions around Covid took away many of her coping skills. Instead, her baseline anxiety increased to around 90%. At that level, Rachel talks about how she couldn’t recall words as quickly. She’s been going to therapy for four years as part of a mental health routine. This past year she’s been seeing her therapist more. It’s someone to talk to “that's neutral, that's not my partner which has helped a ton.”
Rachel compared Covid to holding up a weight. We can only hold it in the air for so long before our muscles start to fatigue. Imagine that you were forced to keep holding it beyond what felt manageable. That’s the point when all the other muscles in your body are shaking to support your arms. The point when you have to drop that weight from total body exhaustion. That’s what the lockdowns around Covid have felt like for many of us. Now that the world is starting to open up, we’re expected to go back to normal. Except that we’re doing it with an exhausted body that’s been working hard to hold up that weight.
Rachel described that feeling like, “my body is releasing and now I feel like I'm collapsing a bit. As things are opening up, there is so much anxiety now. Is covid going to go away? What is the next step going to be? I don't want to go back to lockdowns.”
Covid has also created this weird dynamic that’s shown Rachel who her true friends are. She’s been learning things about others that she didn't want to know. Friends who she would describe as logical, critical thinkers, have expressed things that shouldn't be politicized. They’ve argued against masks, social distancing and other health regulations.
This polarization is something I’ve heard a lot about. The stress of Covid has, in some cases, brought out the worst in people. We’ve become less filtered and are seeing the true side of people. It highlights that you may not be as aligned in your values as you once thought. It’s making people question their level of friendship with others.
Rachel expresses feelings of disappointment around the change in some of her friendships. She believes that the vast amount of misinformation on Covid is a large contributor to this breakdown. Like many of us, Rachel wishes there was a way to shut down the false information that spreads like wildfire. In the meantime, Rachel has stopped talking about Covid with her friends, as it’s not a topic that supports therapeutic conversations.
To work through the challenges of Covid, Rachel focuses on being realistic. Her partner is optimistic and focuses on what's doing well. This approach works for him and rubs off on Rachel. She tries to be pragmatic in her approach. She can't speculate whether the news is good or bad, and no longer check the case counts daily. Rachel said “I do what I need to do and follow the rules- watching the news isn't going to make me feel safer.” She focuses on letting go of things she can't control, like If others get vaccinated or protest against masks. Rachel knows that she can control her own behaviours. She wears her mask. She’s fully vaccinated. That’s in her control.
“I do what I need to do and follow the rules- watching the news isn’t going to make me feel safer.”
To shift her brain from catastrophizing thoughts to a learning perspective, Rachel picked up the guitar in January. It helps her focus on doing things that occupy her brain more. Focusing on a “C” chord is more productive than fixating on Covid. Rachel is trying new cooking recipes and has invested in materials to train her horse. As someone who’s been riding for 20 years, she’s been learning about new aspects that she wasn’t aware of. This learning mindset has helped Rachel to shift her capacity away from worrying to create lots of creative solutions.
When her brain won't turn off on its own, Rachel will lie in a dark room and focus on her breathing. Or she’ll watch something really stupid on TV to shift away from that anxiety mode. ( I promised not to share what she watches. It doesn’t really matter!) Movement has been tough, despite her knowing how beneficial it can be. Rachel lacks the motivation to do it at home. (Like so many of us!) She’ll try to remember to do this and fortunately has an active dog that pesters her for two long walks every day. She’s also been creative in what “exercise” looks like and has taken on more of the labour for taking care of her horse. That includes shovelling poop or moving bags of feed at the barn. Her massage therapist would tell you a secret that Rachel hasn’t been stretching enough. But she already knew that. Rachel has a bike trainer at home and plans to spend more time in the gym this winter.
Rachel has also taken on new activities to create some new hobbies that are covid friendly. She’s started her own side business and got her first client. It put her into a space of leadership and reignited some of her motivation to continue down the teaching path. She’s also starting a podcast which has had lots of learning opportunities since it's so different from anything else that Rachel has done before.
Rachel has some good advice for anyone struggling with their physical or mental health. She recommends that you find people that you can empathize with, without getting into a rant state. We all need to vent but not take it to the next level. She recommends that you set a timer to vent for five minutes but then be clear about what you need to feel ok after. Note where you feel the most balanced in your own mental capacity and have honest conversations with others.
We all need to vent but not take it to the next level…. set a timer to vent for five minutes but then be clear about what you need to feel ok after.
It’s also important to notice when you feel most anxious and stressed. Rachel recommends that you do what you can to limit those triggers. It’s about knowing yourself, finding your own triggers and advocating for what would make you feel better. For example if you feel too stressed doing the grocery shopping, have a partner help with this, find a time when it's less busy to go, or order online.
Rachel talks about how it’s about creating little moments to give yourself a break. Finding small joys has been really helpful for her. She’ll notice flowers outside on a walk, or look up pictures of puppies on her phone. She stresses that it’s tough but important to have compassion for others. Everyone is stressed and at the end of their rope. You may need to make difficult decisions to create distance between existing relationships. Others may not be healthy for you, depending on their mental state. Focus on what you can control and do what you need to take care of yourself.
A huge thank you to Rachel for being brave and sharing her story. I’ve heard many people talk about their struggles and describe feeling guilty because they aren’t struggling as much as other people. Remember that this isn’t a suffering contest. It’s not about who has more challenges or struggles. Take time to acknowledge the feelings you have, regardless of how big or small they are. If you are struggling, please reach out for help. Phone a friend. Call a helpline or emergency services (911 in Calgary). While you may feel alone at times, you are not alone.
Keep well!